Revelation

It comes to us, a simple thought, where the truth lay there in plain sight, our vision clear, free at last from the blur created by the deceit born of denial, the object of our attention prodded to the surface by a sense of urgency that can only come when one catches a fleeting glimpse of the end of a long and arduous journey.

Even as we gaze in wonder at this fact so long concealed by our own human desires, we pause to consider the options it presents as a gift to the person we have become, and a future filled with the knowledge it provides. Even as we stumble to find the words to express the emotions released by this revelation, we glance furtively to the left and to the right, and then quickly lay claim to what we have longed for since the first misadventures of our youth.

Knowing it was and will continue to remain invisible to many of those around us, we come to the conclusion that we must learn to share this gift without revealing its source. Only then can we hope to escape the ridicule that so often falls on our ears from those for whom the truth escapes their grasp.

As we chart our course in a new direction, we begin to feel the energy and enthusiasm we have not felt for so very long begin to fill our mind with optimism where doubt has lingered for what seems like an eternity. Beating back the despair, wondering if it really has come at long last, but apprehensive about so little time remaining.

Fearful that it is too late to use it to fulfill our destiny, we decide with a  shrug of our shoulders to cast out the last of our reservations, and free ourselves from the burden of a past that, in retrospect, seems wasted by the distractions of a shallower physical world. And then as quickly as it came, the thought is gone. All that remains is a change in course, and our determination to follow our dream.

If not I, then who?

There comes a time when we all begin to think about the void we will leave behind when we leave. About two seconds after I wrote this line, I began to have second thoughts, and decided to take a few seconds to consider my options before I gave anyone who is reading this a chance to second guess what I am talking about. Ready, set, go!

Well, the bowling team survived my departure just fine, and last I heard they were making a run at first place in their division in spite of my ability to fold under pressure and pitch the last ball into the gutter. So there you have it! For just a few seconds I had you contemplating a real life or death situation.

Still, there were a few things to be learned from this "near death" experience. Never overestimate your net worth in any given situation is one of those things. It is true. You can’t take it with you. I had left my competitive spirit behind when I departed from the team, and they promptly gave it to whoever took my place. Maybe I should emphasize that word "promptly."

Now I have come full circle, and am once again face to face with the real question. If not I, then who? This time we can cautiously approach the question without any preconceived notions, and get a really good look at how often this one question comes up in our daily lives.

We all occupy a certain amount of space, so there is no way to prevent the void we always leave behind when we move on. That one thought makes it easier to come to the conclusion that what we leave behind is almost always more important than our brief visit to what is now history. What does that void look like?

This simple truth would be a lot more frightening than it sounds if it weren’t for the fact that we have a lot of control over what our history looks like. Now we can get serious about our discussion. Overestimating our net worth and rewriting history are two things that we consider to be foolish. Yet, we all still feel the urge to try.

I realize that we are now only a little closer to answering our question, and have already stumbled over two of our most common human failings. For the memory challenged I will repeat the question. "If not I, then who?"

Let’s take a run at that question from another angle. No one is irreplaceable, yet no one is a perfect fit for the void we leave behind. If you pick up an article of clothing and the sign says “One size fits all”, what they mean to say is “This will look bad on anyone who dares to try it on.”

There is a lesson to be learned here, but probably not the one you were expecting. Let’s take another look at what we have learned in this brief tutorial.

Don’t jump to conclusions. Never overestimate your value. What we leave behind is often more important than our individual contribution to the effort. We are seldom successful when we try to rewrite history. If the shoe fits, wear it. Life is much too short. And, what you want to leave behind you when you go is a really big pair of shoes.

Balanced

Balanced has become a very popular word in our language these days. The implication is becoming clear to all of us who hear it constantly repeated in every passionate plea for our attention. Our whole world is becoming unbalanced and is about to tip over on its side. In their efforts to save the world, they beg us to quickly run over to their side to help.

Balanced this and balanced that, balanced diet, balanced approach, balanced budget: we teeter on the edge of the abyss as they plead with us to share their fears as they ask us to focus on their side of the subject at hand. Every time I hear the word "balanced" I know I’m in for a prolonged effort to educate me on the dangers of picking one side too soon. If they are using the word "balanced", there is another side to the issue and it is unlikely they are going to share it with me.

After lecturing me on the need to keep an open mind, they proceed to fill my ear with a few carefully selected facts on the subject hoping to tip the scales in their favor. I hold a lot of these people responsible for the times I have chosen to take a side before I discovered what the real score was, only to find to my dismay that I had joined the losing team. When it comes to losing your balance, this feels like falling off the curb and getting run over by a truck.

Sometimes I decide the safest place for me might be up in the observation tower yelling encouragement to both sides. Having no opinion just encourages them to try harder to persuade you to join their team. The best advice I can give you here, is that until you pick a side, you should stay away from the edge of the tower platform. If they give up trying to persuade you, they will sometimes give you a shove just to vent a little of their frustration. If you lose your balance up there, at least you get a few seconds on the way down to think about the mistake you almost made, before you hit the ground.

It took awhile, but I finally figured out that there are times when balance is really important, and other times when leverage is the best way to get something done. Leverage is what we use to knock someone else off balance. Think of leverage as a balancing tool. That tool gives us an opportunity to get around them if they are becoming an obstacle. The noises they make while we are doing this gives everyone the impression that they are becoming a little "unbalanced." We can then use this to our advantage as well.

Sometimes we can even get them to spend a little time in the observation tower or on the sidelines. Up in the tower, on the fence, or in the psychologists office, it makes no difference to us as long as we are able to convince them to get off the playing field and out of our way. This is the best place for most everyone until they make up their mind. If we force them to pick a side before they are better informed, the world will most certainly start to tip over again.

Seeing the words "balanced" and "leverage" used in the same sentence makes it easier to consider the fact that balanced is a passive activity, whereas leverage is an aggressive one. To test this theory we can now look at simple actions like our diets, and realize that a balanced diet is used to maintain an ideal body weight, and a weight-loss diet is a form of leverage we use to aggressively force ourselves back to the “ideal.” This works for budgets, politics, housekeeping, and even child-rearing as long as we can find some leverage and have a clear picture of what’s “ideal.”

Now that we have set up our analogy of a balanced approach to forming our opinions, let’s go back and see what makes it all true. The goal here is to get everyone we can on the winning team. The question here is what makes an opinion a balanced one? What turns an opinion into an aggressive one? And, what do we use for leverage to get it all back into balance? Remember to think of leverage as a balancing tool.

As strange as it might seem, there is one answer for all three of these questions. That one answer is knowledge. But, before we start using our knowledge as leverage, we need to make sure we are joining the winning team. That requires that we spend a little time observing which way the world is tipped so we can do our part to get it back in balance. What we are now looking for is what "ideal" is. You cannot have balance without it.

All this talk about balance has helped me to realize that those who seek balance in their lives have to be willing to form their opinions with the knowledge that there are two sides to every issue. If you want to do this, listening to both sides in order to find your balance, and still stay in the game, you have no other choice than to become a referee. At least that way you can get both sides to the middle now and then, even if it is just for the coin toss.

The best thing about being a referee is that they can all yell and scream at you for as long as they dare, and then you get to make the final decision as to whether they have broken the rules. You know the rules. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, love your neighbor as yourself. Yeah! Those rules!! And, in an “ideal” world anyone who doesn’t play by the rules loses their right to have an opinion.

 

 

 

"Bare" Necessities

Necessity seemed like a plain vanilla flavored word until I stopped one day and asked myself what I couldn’t do without in this life I had created for myself. As I mentally worked up a list of those things I could not do without, I quickly became humbled by my many extravagances. I had risen so far above the “bare necessities” that I started to get dizzy when I stopped for a moment to look down.

 
Strange that “look down” came to mind when I my thoughts led me back to the poverty of my youth. Recalling those moments when my survival from paycheck to paycheck was in question, it brought back the fears this caused me, too. Now it seems I often turn my nose up and “look down” at things I had once upon a time been thankful to have. Realizing I was losing touch, I vowed to reexamine my needs and see if how I am filling them now has changed my definition of a necessity. It was time to regain my perspective.

 
The human thought process can sometime be thought of as a pot of soup set on the stove to slowly come to a boil. Then we turn the heat down a little and let the flavors comingle until something rises to the surface and catches our eye, begging to be tasted. As I worked to conjure up my thoughts about what I thought were basic necessities, I began to see what I had put in my “soup.”

 
At my age the money in my savings and retirement accounts are now a necessity, but it was not always so. There was a time when every penny was counted twice before it was spent. Now, food is never farther away than the fridge or the pantry, and chocolate has become a necessity. Now I can taste just a hint of dark chocolate in my “soup.” I wonder. Is this a good thing? Have I lost my appreciation for macaroni and cheese and hamburger, and instead require Italian pasta and steak?

 
Fashion has elevated my clothing to the extreme of my sense of modesty, while at the same time costing me more for even less fabric. Expensive vehicles have replaced comfortable walking shoes, and pedestrians and bicyclists are seen as moving targets. My lumpy futon has be replaced long ago by a space age foam mattress, and my pine board and cinderblock bookshelves were passed on to my children because everyone should own one at least once.

 
As my “soup” begins to thicken I begin to see all the things I have added to spice my life up a little and make it more palatable. As they rise to the surface I notice that a lot of them have a “used only once” tag on them, and they quickly sink out of sight to the bottom of the pot. The problem with soup is that if you over season it you have to live with the results. Good luck getting those two tablespoons of chili powder back out.

 
Getting back to the whole point of this exercise, which is adding wisdom to our decisions as to what we consider to be a necessity. After all, this soup I have created is not the main course, and it’s certainly not going to be my desert. At least I am no longer so naïve as to think that I can’t dump out a pot of awful tasting soup and start over.  Funny! Now I remember a few times when I had no other choice but to eat the crow I had put in there.

 
Longing for a plain glass of water to wash the last spoonful down, I’m beginning to see that most of the things in my life right now are necessities by choice and barely resemble the original “bare” ones. I need to start being more selective as to what I put in my “soup.” There is a limit as to how many times I can dump out the pot and start over from scratch.

 

p.s. I miss the socks and underwear I used to get for Christmas from my parents. I'm putting those items back on my shopping list this year for my "adult" children. It's time to get serious about what necessities are. Getting those things from someone who loves you makes them even better than anything else you might put in your Christmas "soup."

Little Old People

When it comes to the various stages of getting old, I have many opinions about older people that are clearly defined by their attitude about life in general. We have the “newbie” who has just acquired the title of old and is struggling to accept it. Then again, we have the “senior citizen” who is actively in pursuit of all the benefits it has to offer, like discounted meals and tickets, as well as group bus tours and Bingo night.

We also have our “elders.” This group came into being when someone accidentally misspelled older and everyone who was getting old jumped at the chance to regain their self-respect. Elder also means a person of higher authority and a respected member of the group, so we can easily understand their desire to be an elder instead of just older, even if they didn’t do anything to deserve the title.

Aging is a progressive condition from which there may be an occasional reprieve, but there is never any permanent cure. It is important to determine what stage an old person is in so you will know how to deal with them. There are many different stages of growing old so we have chosen only one of the more important ones to examine in detail. 

When it comes to getting old one thing for sure: if their health holds up, eventually they make it to the “little old people” stage. This is the stage where they all start to shrink, hence the phrase “little old people.”

They have stopped listening long ago to their mother telling them to stop slouching and sit and stand up straight, so they lose a couple of inches due to poor posture. Add the loss of bone mass and muscle tone to this stooped over frame, and the shrinking continues as they begin to lose their battle with gravity. Throw in a badly fitting pair of dentures that can result in a poor diet, and they shrink even faster. There you have it, one little old person.

What I really like about little old people is the fact that, after they survive all those other stages of becoming old, they get back their sense of humor. Not only that, they develop a greater appreciation of the little things in life. At this stage of the process of getting older, there is one more thing they can usually be counted on to have regained. That would be patience.

As I begin to form my opinions about little old people, and including in that opinion the many words of wisdom they have bestowed upon me, I can see that the wisest of them had great patience. As I delve deeper into my search for the qualities needed to have wisdom, patience is becoming high on my list. Let’s face it. If we offer someone some wisdom, it is never wise to say “I told you so” too soon. We must learn to be patient.

Another thing I have noticed is how little old people deal with the facts. Notice I was wise enough not to confuse facts with the "truth." When we share what we know with them, they simply add it to what they already know, and then make a minor adjustment to their opinion on the subject. Seldom do we completely change their mind on anything. It would be good for us to remember at this point, that they didn’t survive as long as they have by being stupid.

It only takes us a little while to figure out that, for them the truth really is just a shared opinion. Not only that, unless we ask them what they know that we don’t, we’ll never be as wise as they are right now. It’s a good thing they have the patience to simply wait until we wise up and ask them for a little advice. That is, right after they say “I told you so”, and just before they treat us like a child.